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The Zoo 4: Stomachs
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The Zoo 4 - Stomachs (Disk 2 of 2).adf
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*!EOM
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3234Y00F05basic32Y00C2Y06C3Y14C4Y23C5NNotes On Dropping Out Of Society
2431Y00F07futurax24Y00C5Y00C7Y00C1NTyped by Mmrr
0814Y00F05sharp08N
0801N
0806Y00C3NThis short story is a favourite of mine from the pen of Sean Hughes, it
0811Y27S4Y40S0Ncomes from his publication 'Sean's Book'. I'm sure that Sean will overlook
0806Y70S4Nthe breach of copyright, considering that the first entry is entitled 'How
0806Y19S0NTo Steal This Book'...
0801N
0801N
0819Y00F05topaz08Y00C5NDropping out of society has to be done during your late teens or early
0801Ntwenties, the ideal location is London. You have to remember you don't ever
0801Nplan to drop out, it just sort of happens, you fall in with the wrong crowd,
0801Nhave financial worries or just happen to be wearing the right clothes at the
0801Nwrong time. Clothing is important, you don't ever want to be mistaken for a
0801Nlabourer, avoid wooly hats. I'd recommend cheap jeans, a very basic jumper,
0811Y32C7Y55C5Nshoes on their last legs and an 'I've been to Florida' T-shirt. Dropping out
0801Nof society usually happens overnight, you spend the whole night spending all
0801Nyour money on booze until you realise you can't pay your rent. When you've
0801Nbeen thrown out of your digs you have now officially dropped out. You then
0801Nhave to find a squat. When you've done this, you can furnish it from
0801NSkip-U-Like. Once you've settled in, remember to drop back in once a
0801Nfortnight to collect your dole.
0801N
0801NThe daily timetable on the other thirteen days is, simply get up around
0801Neleven, look for butts in ashtrays, have breakfast which is toast, then sit
0801Nby the window and watch society. After a while you start to argue as to who
0821Y21S4Y21C2Y37S0Y37C5Nis allowed to do the Evening Standard crossword, first editions come out
0801Nabout twelve. At 12.10 you have lunch, toast. Then you look out the window
0811Y12C1Y28C5Na bit more, watch daytime TV on your rented portable, which you've listed as
0801Nstolen from your last address. Evening officially starts around three. you
0801Nhave dinner at seven, beans on toast. As you will have gathered, dropping
0801Nout is very much like being a student, only the conversation is more
0801Nstimulating and you read more.
0801N
0801NSo you're thinking to yourself this sounds like a good life, how do I go
0801Nabout it. To start with, stop doing whatever it is that takes up your day,
0801Nmove to a new town and when you've met a nice bunch of dropper-outers, hang
0801Nout with them. Bonding occurs when you realise that you know all the words
0801Nto every pre-beard Elvis Costello song. It is also compulsory to use
0811Y27C4Y60C5Nhippy-speak and you have to tell everyone that you love them on every
0801Npossible occasion, such as sharing their last cigarette, doing the washing-up
0801Nor if one of them decides to have a bath. It is vital to have at least ten
0801Nfunny stories from your past. These will range from your first joint, to
0801Nlosing your virginity to how you managed to get backstage at the last Clash
0801Ngig. Don't worry about not telling the truth - you're not expected to. It
0801Nis recommended that you repeat these anecdotes at every opportune moment, but
0801Nit is considered rude to tell the others you've heard theirs before. You
0801Nmight think it's easy to drop out but to be let in, in the first place,
0801Nyou're expected to have absolutely no money. I find this a bit scary so
0801Nit's advisable to have a secret bank account for those days when the others
0801Ncomplain of pangs of hunger, you tell them you're going for a long walk to
0801Nempty your head so it'll have something in common with you stomach (they
0801Nlove a little bit of poetry) when really what you're doing is taking money
0811Y47C3Y59C5Nout and treating yourself to a slap-up meal at Burger King. Later, back at
0801Nthe commune you suddenly find sixty-three pence in your other trousers and
0801Nyou treat everone to a pot noodle, that is unless, of course, you bumped
0811Y20C3Y32C5Ninto one of them at Burger King. Then you both suddenly find sixty-three
0801Npence and you share the expenses.
0801N
0801NIt is crucial that you build up some sort of tolerance towards cannabis.
0801NYou'll find you have to smoke quite a lot of it while having those in-depth
0811Y27C2Y69C5Npolitical discussions like 'Do you think that Kinnock dyes his hair?' It
0801Ntook us a month to come to the conclusion 'Who cares?' As you will have
0801Ngathered, dope makes you apathetic. Don't smoke too much cannabis otherwise
0801Nyou'll never be able to remember this earthly experience or where your bank
0801Nis for that matter. I personally consider three months is about the right
0801Nlength of time to drop out. Dropping back in involves telling some
0801Nbare-faced lie making your excuses and returning home. This is not the end
0801Nof it, you have to allow another four months to exaggerate your story to
0801Nyour friends and a further two months before you sort out the mess you life
0801Nhas become.
*!EOF